The Difference a Day Can Make

And just like that... it was gone.

"At first I didn't want to think too hard about it. Sometimes when you look too closely you can't see things clearly anymore."

Apparently I looked too closely.

Relaxed focus ---> the zone ---> optimal performance ---> excellent results ---> self-reflection ---> tense focus ---> not the zone.

It doesn't seem that self-reflection should be a negative, and I can't say that it caused me to become self-conscious. The truth is that I don't know why last night's session turned bad. That's not so say that I played horrible or lost a bunch of money. But I did become frustrated to the point where I cut short my work for the evening.

Practice

They say that practice makes perfect, and I'm inclined to agree. Not just any practice, but perfect practice. So what makes practice perfect?

For most of January I was in the zone. My attention was divided among many things: playing solid poker, improving my physical condition, recovering my musical abilities, and recording my rambling thoughts. But for each activity that I engaged in, my attention was focused completely on the task at hand. I carefully thought through my opponent's range for every hand of poker. I kept my mind present and active while I exercised at Taekwon-Do and yoga. And I really practiced guitar and bass. What do I mean by "really" practiced?

There was a time when I was rather good at playing guitar. I got that way by staying home "sick" from school and practicing eight hours a day. The quantity of practice was helpful, but more important was the quality. It was solitary and solemn. My fingers bled. I loved it.

For two weeks I practiced the first 13 seconds of the guitar solo in the outro of November Rain. I spent the following two weeks practicing the next 13 seconds. I had been playing guitar for only five months, but by the end of the sixth month I was a completely different player.

This January, when I set out to reclaim my musical skills, I did my best to replicate the mindset of my early guitar practice. I didn't practice eight hours a day; I do have to make a living. But when I did practice, I was focused on nothing but the practice itself. Perhaps this focus spilled over into my poker play. Or was it the other way around? Truth be told, I have no idea (and I don't really care).

The thing about the zone is that most people eventually fall out of it. If you don't, then it's no longer the zone, it's enlightenment. But that's another conversation entirely. Suffice it to say, I have not attained enlightenment. So naturally I fell out of the zone and felt lost and unfocused for about six weeks. But for the past week I've been flirting with the zone again.

At first I didn't want to think too hard about it. Sometimes when you look too closely you can't see things clearly anymore. But then I thought about what I had been doing differently of late. And the only thing that occurred to me was that I had been practicing guitar again. The way that I used to. And this time I'm pretty sure that's what rubbed off on my poker game, not the other way around. But I can't say for certain. After all, the season has changed, so maybe it's simply time to wake up a little.

Published!

I just finished writing my very first article, and this morning it was published in thearchjournal.com. It's the first in a series and serves as an overview of online poker legislation. You can find it here:

http://www.thearchjournal.com/home/2009/3/6/the-odds-on-online-poker.html

If you enjoy the article, please digg it here:

http://digg.com/arts_culture/The_Odds_on_Online_Poker

Below is an excerpt:

"Over a decade ago a good friend of mine started playing online poker. Despite being an avid poker player myself, I was highly skeptical. Was it safe? Wouldn't it be easy for players to cheat? Could you trust the shuffle? How would you get money on and off? Was it even legal? Lacking clear answers to these questions, I put off playing online for several years. Unfortunately, there are still no clear answers to some of these questions, and many who would enjoy online poker are staying away for precisely that reason...


...There are several bills which will soon be brought to Congress that may clear up the situation. 
Among others, Rep. Barney Frank (D-MA) has pledged to introduce legislation to regulate online poker. Perhaps a decade from now we'll look back and wonder how the situation was ever so confused. I hope so. No one should fear they're wagering their liberty to exercise their freedom."

Fortune

I got a fortune (cookie) tonight which read:

"Golden hours are coming to you."

To 99% of the folks receiving this fortune, it must seem like a generic omen of good luck. But to me it is special. Why? I'm glad you asked.

I've been writing and playing music again this year. Faith No More wrote a song whose lyrics consisted entirely of cookie fortunes. So will this fortune become part of a song? No. Because it is already the answer to a song which was authored and played in a basement on Rivington Street a decade ago. The song in question is called Long Run. The chorus asks:

"When does the long run kick in? When does the golden hour begin?"

As you can see, I took this as more of a name brand omen of good fortune. Sort of the Xerox of fortune cookies. So what sort of golden hours are we talking about? Does it mean that I've finally put together the band that I really want to be playing in and recording with? Does it mean that I'm finally going to get that absurd run of luck at the poker tables that evens out all of the bad beats I've incurred over my career? Does it mean all encompassing happiness through every aspect of my life?

Hell, I don't know. But combined with winter winding down (goodbye February), it sure made me smile.

Waves

So I've mentioned that I'm mildly manic-depressive. Not the clinical lithium taking kind (although Lithium is my favorite Nirvana song, and all I can remember of chemistry is that lithium burns hot pink). Rather, I'm the sort of manic-depressive which I suppose all artists are. Periods of creative productivity and unbearable optimism alternate with periods of apathetic ineptitude. Well, that's how it feels, anyway. The truth is rarely so dramatic.


February has long been my least favorite month of the year. I suppose I'm lucky, since it's also the shortest. January typically starts off with some renewed promise - not resolutions per se, but that's the gist. But by the time February is drawing to a close, enthusiasm wears thin and I become quite sick of the cold. It's like Tuesday. Most people hate Monday because they're returning to work, but I always hated Tuesday. The second day of drudgery is worse than the first.

Or maybe it's just because my father died on a Tuesday in February, exactly twenty-two years ago on a sunny day like today. But if I inherited my dark sense of humor from my mom, my unyielding optimism surely comes from my dad. Having a day to codify the darkness gives me a starting point to renew the light.

But light and dark sounds so trite. I'd rather think of life in terms of waves. In the ocean, waves can carry you out to sea or back to shore. In life you can surf the waves and make the most of both the ups and the downs. There will always be good days and bad days. But to learn something from the bad days and make the most out of the good days... well, that sort of makes them all good days.

No Fortune

I'm sitting at home sharing vegetarian Chinese takeout with my girlfriend. I've got some buckwheat noodles in spicy peanut sauce and veggie kung-pao. She's got some veggie chow fun. The food's good, but then we break open the fortune cookies. Hers says something about travelling for business and pleasure, which is amusing since we spent last night discussing travel plans. I open my cookie. No fortune.

I stare my empty cookie. She comes over and asks what my fortune is. "That's not a good sign," she says. Is it? Is this because I'm not watching the Super Bowl? I've become a conscientious objector in the wars of the gridiron. But I don't think that's it.

I prefer to regard my cookie as a koan. The future's unwritten. It's up to me to make my own fortune. Meaning is not something you look for but something you find. Or is it vice versa? Either way, I'll go finish my kung-pao now.

More Fun Than
Chucking Blueberries

Last night I played bass with a "band" for the first time since May of 2002. Outside of playing on a few recordings with my old band (for which I played guitar and never found a suitable bassist), I'd hardly touched the thing in seven years. It turns out that I'm still somewhat capable. Playing with two superb musicians certainly helped. It was also the first time I had played with my good friend Max since that last L.A. show in 2002.

The studio had the appearance of a run down wreck. A sign posted on peeling drywall spoke of renovations to bring the place from "your last resort to your first choice". No matter - the gear was actually quite good for a rehearsal studio. At one point Max was extolling the virtues of my Les Paul (he didn't have a guitar in NYC, so I brought mine), prompting Alan to ask, "Are you mad at it?" 

Anyway, Alan had not even heard the songs before. So Max took out his little internet/phone gadget and played the songs streaming live from his website. Pretty high tech. But the phone isn't too loud, so he held it up to a microphone and played it over the PA. Pretty low tech.

So what were we playing? Max has a new project, Max and the Marginalized where he writes a topical song every week and posts it up as a political blog entry on The Huffington Post. It's more of a band now, since he has two other guys in California that he plays and tours with. The songs have Max's typical tight arrangements and sharp lyrics along with his signature style of guitar abuse. We worked on three of those: Rope (a semi-straight up hardcore tune about the glorification of lynchings in the South), Free Evenings and Weekends (a jaunty tune about the complicity of phone companies in illegal wiretapping practices), and Hounds (I had never tried playing reggae before, but I can see why people like it).

So what were Alan and I doing there? We're sort of the East Coast ringers. If there's some shows over here and not a full tour for the West Coast band to come on, maybe we'll play those. It feels good to be playing music again, especially on great songs that have something to say. But more than anything it was a hell of a lot of fun.